Grieving During the Holidays with Loved Ones
Make it stand out
The holidays are perhaps the most notorious time of year for those who have experienced a loss. Meant to be a time of joy and celebration with loved ones, they only draw attention to those missing from the family gatherings. They can be a source of profound sadness, whether the loss is fresh or decades old.
It is likely that other people at your celebrations are mourning the same loss. If you are headed into the holidays, unsure of how to deal with your own grief while also comforting grieving loved ones, we will be discussing how you and your loved ones can manage together.
Communicate with your loved ones
The most important thing to remember is that everyone grieves differently. This is good to keep in mind throughout your entire grieving process, but particularly when you interact with family members who are suffering from the same loss. Your grief may look completely different. You may appear to be in completely different stages of the grief process. It is essential that you communicate with each other about potential differences in emotion and don’t allow any resentments to grow.
When communicating about the grief process, also communicate about what you each want to do or not do around the holidays. There are many ways you can cope with grief and honor your loved one during the holidays, both independently or with the rest of your loved ones, but everyone needs to be able to communicate their preferences.
Pick and choose traditions
You might want to do all your normal holiday traditions in full force, or you might want to pick and choose. If full celebration feels overwhelming for you or your loved ones, consider skipping or minimizing gifts or other aspects of the holiday that feel unnecessary. Focus only on the pieces that feel fulfilling and unifying.
Make new traditions
Try creating new traditions. This could mean so many different things, and will depend on what your loved one would have liked. You could write down favorite memories and fill a box with them, then choose a time to read them together. You could light a candle in your loved ones’ memory. You could visit the cemetery and decorate their grave. Whatever you choose might become a yearly tradition, or it might shift from year to year. Whatever feels right for you is completely fine.
Try brainstorming ideas with your family members. Other traditions could include holding a moment of silence for your loved one during the celebration, leaving an empty chair at the table in their honor, or preparing their favorite dish.
Participate in acts of kindness
Do something nice for others. Selflessness has proven effects on our happiness, and doing it with your loved ones can bring you closer together. Consider making a charitable donation in your loved one’s name, or purchasing a gift they would have loved and donating it. Volunteer in your community. The pandemic has made volunteering more challenging, but don’t let social distancing separate you from your community. There are still a number of ways you can volunteer safely, including by delivering meals and groceries, donating blood, or volunteering from home.
Be patient with yourself and others
Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions, and allow your fellow grieving loved ones to feel all of theirs. Your grief will most likely encompass a variety of emotions, and it is important not to suppress any of them. Likewise, your loved ones may be experiencing emotions that don’t match up with your own. Remember that everyone grieves differently.
What you need will most likely differ from what your grieving loved ones will need, so communication about this is essential. Be flexible about each other’s needs, and use common ground to find where your grieving processes can converge. Above all, remember to be patient and gentle with yourself, and never pressure yourself to do more than feels comfortable.
Sources
https://www.nationalservice.gov/serve
https://whatsyourgrief.com/64-tips-grief-at-the-holidays/
https://www.bustle.com/p/15-women-on-how-they-cope-with-grief-around-the-holidays-13208143
