Building My New Normal After The Death Of My Mom And Brother

I promised a story, and I am here to share it with you! This picture was taken when my dad visited my sister and me in North America after my mom had passed away.

When my mom passed away, we needed to create our new normal.

Why a new normal?

Why a new normal? Why not a new life or adapt to our old one? Because when someone dies, nothing will be the same. So that is the NEW part. And the "normal" means that when we need to continue with our lives, the day-to-day needs to continue. So we needed to build a new normal. This new normal story has many parts, but today I want to share a story about how my dad needed to create a new normal and what that meant for us, his daughters.

When my Mom died

When my mom died in March of 2018 after losing two siblings, we thought my dad would die with her. My dad and my mom were the best couple you could have met. They complimented each other, avoided fighting, and knew how to enjoy each other's hobbies and passions.

After 40 years of being together, they had a good routine going, they knew each other, but most importantly, they each had a role in their partnerships. My dad came up with the new business ideas, and my mom will help my dad make them happen and vice versa.

If my dad wanted to train for a triathlon, my mom would train with him and they would encourage each other through out the months to reach their goal.

If my mom wanted to build a new house, my mom would get the designs going (she was an architect), and my dad will hire the team members and add his vision to the home. In short, they complimented each other.

After my mother’s death

Once my mom died, many of my mom's unstated duties were left to my dad to complete. My dad is a competent man, but with time, he relied so much on my mom that these tasks were avoided or ignored once she passed away.

When you run your own business, and the only person that knows the ins and out's of your business passes away, the knowledge will pass away with them.

I share all of this because on this trip, a couple of months after my mom died, we realized that my dad would be able to build his new life without my mom. This is not to say he wanted to. It means that we could support him, but it also meant that he was aware of his needs and could ask for help.

With this trip, we realized that my dad still had hobbies, reasons to live, reasons to smile, and, more importantly, projects to engage him enough that he wanted to get out of bed every morning. This might sound futile for some, but after you have lost a loved one, you learn about depression and the reason for life. In my mind, we have to find out our own why's, and this is what my dad was doing.

During this trip, we also learned our role as his daughters. We saw that my dad needed support on this trip, but he didn't need us to uproot our life for him. This was a massive relief for us and a big lesson.

Conclusion

No matter who we have lost in our lives, both of our parents had their roles in our lives, and we would have to take care of one or another aspect of our families' lives and businesses. At this time, we lost our mom, and we learned together how to take care of her duties and help each other continue creating our new normal.

I wanted to share this story because I believe that any loss is hard. Each of our loved ones has a place and a role in our lives. This picture was taken almost three years ago, and much has changed since then. No matter what, we are still closer and stronger than ever. My mom's passing made us build our new normal, and we are grateful to have each other build this new life together.