What Is Complicated Grief And How Can It Be Treated?

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Written By Patricia Montoya

Complicated Grief

Almost all of us have or will experience a profound loss in our life. It is normal after experiencing such a loss to enter a period of intense grief for weeks or months. Grief is not a single emotion; it is a physical and emotional state of being that can include a variety of emotions. No two grief experiences are the same. Yours may differ from that of others in terms of time, depth, and emotions felt.

Although grief experiences are quite variable, grief should be transitory. If you find yourself experiencing persisting, unrelenting bereavement and cannot move through the steps of grieving, you may be experiencing complicated grief.

What does complicated grief look like?

Symptoms of complicated grief can include persistent feelings of intense sorrow and rumination over your loss, focusing on nothing but the loss, numbness, inability to accept the death, lack of trust in others, and difficulty completing normal routines. You may feel that life isn’t worth living and find yourself wishing you had died with your loved one. Other indicators include recklessness, withdrawal, suicidal ideation or attempts, and refusal to leave the home.

Dr. Deborah Khoshaba explains the grieving process as one of bouncing between shock and depression until the griever is able to resolve these feelings and accept the death. Those with complicated grief bounce between these emotions indefinitely, never reaching any type of resolution.

Researchers have found that a complicated griever’s tendency to yearn for their loved one actually obsessively creates as much pleasure as it does pain. This encourages them to build habits that keep them from resolving their grief.


Who is most likely to suffer from complicated grief?

Complicated grief is most common in those with pre-existing mental health conditions, such as depression, separation anxiety, and PTSD. It frequently appears when the death was unexpected, violent, or untimely (if the person was young). Other life stressors, like financial issues, can also increase the likelihood of complicated grief appearing.


Do I have complicated grief?

Complicated grief is not officially recognized as a mental health disorder, but it is a real condition. Approximately 10-20% of people who have lost a loved one experience some type of complicated grief. So how do you know if you have complicated grief?

Experiencing many of the symptoms mentioned above is a good indication. Remember that in the months after a loss, the symptoms of complicated and normal grief look the same. An important factor is how much time has passed. There are seven distinctive symptoms of complicated grief, for diagnosis purposes:

  1. Intrusive memories or fantasies about the deceased loved one

  2. Strong pangs of emotion related to the lost relationship

  3. Powerful yearnings or wishes that the departed person was still present

  4. Intense feelings of loneliness or emptiness

  5. Avoidance of people, places, or activities that remind the grief sufferer of the deceased

  6. Recurrent sleep interference and disturbance

  7. Significant loss of interest in work, social, personal, or recreational activities

Researchers assert that a sustained experience of three of these symptoms 14 months after the loss indicates complicated grief. Others might say that 14 months is too long, and 6 months would be long enough to identify complicated grief. This diagnosis must be made by a mental health professional.

How can complicated grief be treated?

If you are suffering from complicated grief, you may feel completely hopeless and think you will never feel better. However, complicated grief can be treated. Intensive therapy, support groups, and support from family friends are all important components of treatment. A treatment called traumatic grief therapy can help with stress relief and encourage reengagement with the world. Speak with a mental health professional to find out more.

Patricia Montoya
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